Sojourning
My life is not simple…
It’s an evolving journey that is hinged on the continual attempt to strike the perfect balance of desires versus needs and satisfaction versus purpose.
Each season of my life comes with its own demands for achieving that balance.
I’ll be starting a new decade soon - what excites me about the future is change. The things that have made me happy in the past do not all make me happy now. What makes me happy now is likely to not all make me happy in the next decade. So one thing is clear to me- change is vital for me at every stage of my life to satisfy what happiness means to me at that point in time.
The signs of change coming are sometimes the very hope I need.
What’s funny is that what I am most afraid of is actually also change. I have hopes that I have placed my faith in, in hope that one day they will materialize. Life has taught me, however, that one can plan their way in their heart but the LORD definitely directs their steps. Even if I wasn’t a Christian, this would remain a truth in my eyes. It’s visible in everyday life - if everyone had what they really desired, probably no one would be living the life they are living. One’s life is usually a reflection of their pursuit.
My desires have not always lined up with the Lord’s will. It can be difficult at any one time to know if what your heart desires is what the Lord wills. The realization that the two do not align can be devastating and frankly, heartbreaking. So though I know change is necessary for my happiness, I cannot always say that change has made me happy...
The question of whether I will one day achieve the fullness of contentment that I truly desire remains an open one and sadly leaves an element of fear lingering.
As for being a woman, I become a new one almost every year.
My body, through life, changes. My views, on life, changes. My heart, towards life, changes. Almost everything just changes.
Outside of pure biology that predefines what a woman is, the remaining contributing factors is really subject to one’s perspective, beliefs, environment and maybe even character.
For me, I guess the only consistent definition I’ve given to being a woman is to being the helper of the man, as God defined it. Beyond that, there are no other boundaries in my view.
One’s personality cannot define it.
One’s environment cannot define it.
Social constructs cannot define it.
A woman is just too sophisticated in nature. There is no one simple way of defining what a woman is and what femininity is to a woman or even to the world.
What is simplicity anyway unless it’s sophisticated in its nature. As once said by Da Vinci, ‘simplicity is the ultimate sophistication’.
It’s a conundrum.